couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery

phrase

Is unable even to organise a project that requires no planning; is incompetent; used to describe someone as greatly incompetent.

Similar
couldn't organise a bun fight in a bakerycouldn't organise an orgy in a brothelcouldn't organise a two-ticket rafflecouldn't pour water out of a boot
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Meanings

phrase
  1. AustraliaIrelandNew ZealandUKidiomaticslangvulgarIs unable even to organise a project that requires no planning; is incompetent; used to describe someone as greatly incompetent.

    'It'll be a sad day when the British leave. You lot couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery without the Queen, God bless her'.

    2023 January 28, Martin Thiebaut, The Nomad Letters, Troubador Publishing Ltd, →ISBN
    2 more examples

    “Deladrieux should have stayed an accountant,” Murphy sighed. “He's got three people working for him but they're just administrative clerks, pencil-pushers, they couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. That's what you get when you assign engineering jobs to non-engineers.[…]”

    2006, G. C. Lemans, Chantier: A tribute to the world's engineers and their partners in life, page 60

    But, a tip for everyone reading this, don't use Visa Machine, as it couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery! And I should know, as I have had three breweries and I can!

    2018 December 11, Ian Rogers, London to Magadan, Troubador Publishing Ltd, →ISBN, page 47

    Synonyms: couldn't organise a bun fight in a bakery, couldn't organise an orgy in a brothel, couldn't organise a two-ticket raffle, couldn't pour water out of a boot

Synonyms & antonyms

phraseIs unable even to organise a project that requires no planning; is incompetent; used to describe someone as greatly incompetent.

Similar
couldn't organise a bun fight in a bakerycouldn't organise an orgy in a brothelcouldn't organise a two-ticket rafflecouldn't pour water out of a boot
Also see
couldn't organise a bun fight in a bakerycouldn't organise a chook rafflecouldn't organise an orgy in a brothelcouldn't organise a two-ticket rafflecouldn't pour water out of a bootcouldn't pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel

Origin

Presents an example of a minimally simple project that the person or group described is presumed unable to accomplish.

Full word history & related roots →
Cite this entry
APA

couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. (n.d.). In WatkinsX Dictionary. Retrieved November 5, 2026, from https://dictionary.watkinsx.com/word/couldn't%20organise%20a%20piss-up%20in%20a%20brewery

MLA

“couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.” WatkinsX Dictionary, https://dictionary.watkinsx.com/word/couldn't%20organise%20a%20piss-up%20in%20a%20brewery. Accessed November 5, 2026.

Chicago

WatkinsX Dictionary, s.v. “couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery,” accessed November 5, 2026, https://dictionary.watkinsx.com/word/couldn't%20organise%20a%20piss-up%20in%20a%20brewery.

Source: couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery on Wiktionary, CC BY-SA 4.0.