learned helplessness

Have you ever tried fixing a bad situation—fighting to revive a stale marriage or escape a toxic job—only to hit roadblocks at every turn? Eventually, you become numb to the situation and simply give up. This is learned helplessness: internalizing that you don’t have control in difficult scenarios. When there’s a lot of hardship and failure in the rearview mirror, a person gives up on improving their present situation, “even when they have the capacity to do so,” shares Olivia Verhulst, LMHC, PMH-C, licensed psychotherapist and adjunct professor at NYU. Not to be confused with weaponized incompetence (when someone uses their supposed lack of skill or understanding to duck out of their responsibilities), learned helplessness is more about quitting when times get tough because your brain is conditioned to think there’s no other way out. The term was first coined in the late 1960s by psychologist Martin Seligman. […] In humans, learned helplessness can take many forms. It could be a high school student who keeps failing their tests, so they start to believe that studying is pointless. […] But just as this is a learned behavior, you can also “unlearn” a feeling of helplessness. […] Because just as you can condition yourself to feel helpless, you can train yourself to feel optimistic, too.

2025 March 24, Sofia Lodato, quoting Olivia Verhulst, “Have You Given Up Trying? This Is Why, According to a Therapist”, in Oprah Daily