trollness

But this child knew very well that he was called Hawthorn and not Thomas, and was a troll on the inside, not a baby human. It was only that he could not tell anyone—his human mouth was so small and soft! When he finally managed it, they were just the simplest and plainest ones, none of which were big enough to hold his trollness, or that he had once spoken to a giant Panther, or the wonderful, terrible, burning flight through the clouds.

2015, Catherynne M. Valente, “Troll to Boy, Boy to Troll” (chapter 3), in The Boy Who Lost Fairyland (Fairyland; 5), New York, N.Y.: Feiwel & Friends, →ISBN, page 39