it's not you, it's me

phrase

Don't blame yourself for the end of our relationship.

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Meanings

phrase
  1. ironicoftensarcasticDon't blame yourself for the end of our relationship.

    ‘[…] I've been repeatedly calling him all morning. He won't pick up. All I got was this pathetic text,’ I cough and clear my throat. ‘It said, “It's not you, it's me, I'm sorry Katie”.’

    2011, Lotte Daley, chapter 1, in Faking It, Penguin
    2 more examples

    Matthew: We have a problem... Melissa: Is it me? Matthew: No, no, no. It's not you, it's me. I'm not attracted to you. Melissa: Oh. Matthew: Now, I don't want you to take this as a rejection, but as an acceptance between two people whose needs are profoundly incompatible. And you're not alone. I devote an entire chapter to this in my book.

    1988, Casual Sex?

    George: I don't understand. Things were going so great. What happened? Something must have happened. Gwen: It's not you, it's me. George: You're giving me the "it's not you, it's me" routine?! I invented "it's not you, it's me"! Nobody tells me it's them, not me! If it's anybody, it's me. Gwen: All right, George, it's you. George: You're damn right it's me. Gwen: I was just trying to... George: I know what you were trying to do. Nobody does it better than me. Gwen: I'm sure you do it very well.

    1993 October 28, “The Lip Reader”, in Seinfeld

Origin

Originally used in American sports as a humblebrag consolation to less successful players. Popularized in romantic contexts by the 1988 American comedy Casual Sex?

Full word history & related roots →

Translations

Catalan no ets tu, sóc jo
  • no ets tu, sóc jodon't blame yourself for the end of our relationship
Persian به خاطر تو نیست، تقصیر خودمه
  • به خاطر تو نیست، تقصیر خودمه (be xâter-e to nist, taqsir-e xodam-e)don't blame yourself for the end of our relationship
Portuguese não é você, sou eu
  • não é você, sou eudon't blame yourself for the end of our relationship
Spanish no eres tú, soy yo
  • no eres tú, soy yodon't blame yourself for the end of our relationship
Cite this entry
APA

it's not you, it's me. (n.d.). In WatkinsX Dictionary. Retrieved November 5, 2026, from https://dictionary.watkinsx.com/word/it's%20not%20you%2C%20it's%20me

MLA

“it's not you, it's me.” WatkinsX Dictionary, https://dictionary.watkinsx.com/word/it's%20not%20you%2C%20it's%20me. Accessed November 5, 2026.

Chicago

WatkinsX Dictionary, s.v. “it's not you, it's me,” accessed November 5, 2026, https://dictionary.watkinsx.com/word/it's%20not%20you%2C%20it's%20me.

Source: it's not you, it's me on Wiktionary, CC BY-SA 4.0.